I NEED MONEY!

So for the whole day, I have been searching for a job.
Which is a lot harder than you would think.
No one is hiring teenagers.
IT SUCKS!
So now I have to wait for money.
Which SUCKS!
Maybe some opportunity will show up.
I was thinking about waitressing, that supposedly gets you a lot of money in tips.
SOMEONE HELP ME!

Damn Females Suck

With the addition of a MacBook to my life, I have returned to my blogging ways.
So really the main problem in my life is my own gender,
yes I know, thats not exactly the best thing to have a problem with.
Its just that the female gender is full of what seems like bitches, sluts, whores, and well bad people.
I mean don't get me wrong, some of the women I know are pretty awesome,
basically my best friends, but still there are some specific ones that I can't stand.
The ones in particular are the ones that don't have some girl friends in their life the question what they are doing.
"Don't you think hanging out with another girl's boyfriend late at night is wrong?"
"Why is it that you act like his girlfriend when obviously you aren't?"
"You are doing something wrong."
Stuff like that needs to be said sometimes but they hate to hear it so they refuse to have girl friends.
So all their best friends are guys.
In particular, guys with girlfriends.
So basically, I get to sit here and watch my boyfriend go off and be besties with another girl.
Also, what I can not stand is when a girl refuses to admit liking a guy, but decides to act obvious.
JUST ADMIT IT!
Damn, females suck.

XOXO till next time

Stressfree

After what must have been weeks of stress stress stress...I am finally back to a normal routine. I feel happy and relaxed and I'm enjoying my free time with my friends and boyfriend. I love this feeling of everything going well. I dont want it to stop.

Wandos Downfall

Last night, I went to an away football game. It was all going pretty well until a large group of obnoxious possibly drunk wando kids decide to show up and scream at the top of their longs for wando. It would have been perfectly fine if they had stayed in the away stands. Unfortuantely they decided to parade through the concession stands area screaming "wando!" at the top of their longs. Needless to say, one of them got beat up and two people got arrested.
Not only was this really stupid, but it also mad wando look so bad. It made our school look obnoxious and spoiled and rude. Which a majority of us aren't. Yet these 2 schools who have witnessed the lows of Wando, have a horribly bad impression of us.
Luckily, during 4th quarter, some members of the other band came up to our stands so that we all can chat. We had a chance to apologize for our schools horrible behavior. The members were completely cool about it. And we got to learn about each others band program.

In the money

So my financial problems are now solved. I get 20 dollars a week for driving people to school. Get another 20 dollars a week a minimum for working one day at my job. And then the excess money I get for away games and tournaments. I'm glad that problem is solved. Now about those other problems...

Scheduled out

The rest of this month is basically planned out down to the minute. There is not a day that i don't have anything to do. I both hate and love my life being this way. I don't like having nothing to do. Be unproductive is not part of my personality. I have to do something in that time spot. That's why it's so good that I have so much stuff going on. Unfortunately I don't have a lot of time for my social life which is really putting a downer on my life. Maybe I can make time if that's even possible.

Something New

Erik brought up a conversation yesterday about how he hasnt been trying to impress me recently. He said that that bugged him. This was kind of new information for me. It seems like for me that I need to impress him more because he is so smart and talented. But obviously there is something wrong with all of this in general. Do we really need to feel that we need to impress each other in order to have a strong relationship? I never thought we did. I've never expected Erik to impress me. To be more than his normal self. Yet he thinks that he has to. ...? Idk what to say or do.

College

Got a packet today from coastal carolina that said that I was accepted into the college. What's strange is that I didn't apply there...wow. I guesss I should feel great that I officially gave a college to go to but I don't want to go there. I hope to get more acceptance letters in the future.

Note

I wrote a note today. Not email. Not text. But a hand written note. I'm proud of it. I'm communicating with Erik via note. It's this new thing that we are doing. It's a great feeling when I can read his thoughts through his writing. People should do things like this more often. I remember the feeling I have when I receive a note in the mail. It's great.

Ps. I get my puppy tomorrow.

Don't be afraid

What has America come to. I thought we lived in the land of the free. A place where everyone is equal and we all have personal freedom. But all I see is hatred. Hatred because of ignorance. Americans are burning korans. Discriminating against Americans. This is not america. In America, everyone is accepted.
The strange part is that the only reason they are doing it is because of fear. They are afraid of what could happen and so they blame. Blame people who arent to blame. I guess it just shows how ignorant we actually are.

Homesick

I love being at the beach, don't get me wrong. I just miss my girls, my boyfriend, and my social life. I have gotten my fill of relaxation and now I just want to return to my life. I miss being in the arms of my boyfriend, miss the laughter with the girls, miss hanging every night with my guy friends. It's been too long. I need them. Monday please come.

My family

These upcoming days are going to be filled with family. I am going to be surrounded by so many who care soo much about me. But I realize that it's not going to be all fun and games. My family is going through some seriously hard times especially when it comes to my uncle. With the motorcycle accident and the divorce, I know there is going to be some problems. My family doesn't know how to deal with tough times. They start by tiptoeing around the situation and then they just go into hysterias.
I could not be more thankful for my family though. They are my stronghold. I know that I will always have them. Though I get so aggravated with them, I will always love them like they will always love me. I've had so many amazing moments with them and I'm prepared to have many more.

To care or not to care.

I don't know which is worse, to care too much or not at all. With both, I seem to get hurt. Not caring is just something I can't do. I'm a person who cares about the people around me. That's what makes me, me. To not care is one of the worst things that I can possibly do. Because the minute I stop caring is the minute that person is out of my life completely. Unfortunately me caring is bad too because I care too much. When I love someone, I love them completely. There's no middle to it. And caring that much makes me extremely exposed to heartbreak. And I'm scared out of mine of heartbreak. I have gotten so use to you being such an important part of my life. I guess people have warn me about this, about getting too attached. Now there is no looking back.

See this is my problem.
I care too much.

The power of words

It's amazing how a few words can comfort you completely. How words can ruin our day or make it the best day of your life. Last night, talking made me happy and content after a week of worrying. It's so amazing. Now I am ready to start my summer of amazingness. Ready to have an amazing time.

mussmiss

Bye bye school. After 2 blocks, 1 exam, it'll be all over. I'll no longer wake up at horrid hours. No longer waste my precious life in a jail. 2 months of freedom. An amazing summer with the people I love. My total happiness. So many memories are going to be made. So many friendships are going to grow. I can't wait!!!!!

Airplanes

Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now. -BOB

During hard stressful times in my life, I sit outside my bedroom window and watch the stars. Wishing that I could change something, do something with purpose. Be someone. I feel so small under the night sky, just some human being in the world. Thats what I like. Theres too much focus on me. People expect things from me that I cant do. They expect me to be a person that I'm not. Always happy. Always cheery. But they need to understand that thats not me. I have my sad moments. My feelings get hurt. I hurt. So for now I just sit under these stars wishing for a chance.

Change

It sucks when you find out that things are going to change. That what you know as now will never be the same. Even though I am going to miss the life I have now, maybe the future is for the good. Its good for others, thats all that matters. I wish him the best, but I'm going to miss him lots.
So now my decision is whether or not I can stay when I'm never going to see.
I love you,
I miss you,
Goodbye

Just keep swimming...

Just like the song that Dory sings in finding nemo, just keep swimming is what is keeping me going through school this week. Summer is in less than a week and yet school doesn't seem to understand that. New ideas are being taught on the same week as the exam. My mind can't handle that. So I just keep singing, just keep swimming.

Alone in a Huge House

I've always said that I could NEVER live in a huge house. I grew up in a rather decent size house and when I was ever alone in it, I would be terrified. I can't stand being alone. It's a huge fear of mine. To imagine having that lonesome feeling everyday is horrible. I need people. And because of that, I am here for people who need me. It's a win win situation.

Ignorance is ALWAYS bliss

At points in my life, such as now, I wish soooo much that I was ignorant of everything bad. I have this issue with thinking about what could be happening instead of enjoying what is happening. Paranoia enters the picture, and now IM GOING INSANE! I can't enjoy the life I have right now because I am always wanting things to be my way, but refuse to do something about it...nothings ever going to change. If only I could be oblivious for a while.

Passion of Understanding

There are very few people on this earth who can read minds. For those of us who can't, we have to try to understand the mind of the ones around you. Though you try so hard to figure out what the believe and think you can't just know. it's better to not read into what people said. The ones who really care about you will tell you the truth or at least what they believe at the time. Just make sure you surround yourself with people who care. :)

Passion of Belief

No matter what one believes, the fact that one truely and entirely believes on certain idea is special. It's even harder to believe in something that can't be proven. For me, a future scientist, it's really hard to believe something that I can't prove on paper or through testing. I envy people who have a strong sense of trust and confidence in something so vague. They are some of my inspiration.
There is also belief in what others tell you. For this, one needs a butt load of trust. I am seriously lacking this.

Passion of Choice

Being born in this country gives every individual the ability to choose. We get to make our own decisions. Decide our own futures. Never take this for granted. Listen to others but decide from your heart. You have control over what you do. Not anyone else. Understand that. Use that. Control your own future.

Passion of Nature

Mother Nature doesnt care who you are, or what you did. Nature is indifferent to humans. It grows when it wants, it fights when it wants. We have no control over it. And never will we. We need to learn to enjoy nature at its prettiest and fear it at its worse. We are nothing without it. So enjoy the sunshine or rain today. Carpe Diem.

Passion Of Friendship

Friends are the wood in the fire that keep it burning. Without them, there is little hope of a fire surviving through rough times. Friends create warmth in one's heart, allow smiles to emerge, and create memories that are burned into your mind forever. They are the comfort needed during hard times and the happiness needed during sad times. They always have your back, no matter what happens. Passion can't exist without a foundation to lean on. Friendship helps one feel safe enough to pursue the more dangerous passions in life.

Passion of Love

To experience the passions of love, is something that everyone in the world should be able to feel. The array of emotions that comes with this feeling is so vast, that one discovers a new emotion that has never been felt, each and everyday. One cares about someone or something so much that you would do anything to keep that person happy, strong, and safe. Love is one of the strongest bonds that exist in this universe. Not even death can withstand love. I wish upon everything on this earth, that the passion of love is felt by everything that can feel it.

Hearts On Fire

The passion for one thing drives us to do another. Which drives to do another and so on. That passion for the things in life: love, friendship, music, sports, family, etc; creates a fire within our hearts that burns so strong that the heat is felt by the people surrounding us. Unfortunately for some, that fire can be extinguished by some small event that makes them feel helpless. That burning sensation no longer exist and the people around them can feel it too. That one person, with that burning heart that never extinguishes is always there, looking for hearts that need to be lit. Helping the people lost in the darkness, guiding them by the light of the fire. We all know this certain person, but some of us aren't thankful for the selflessness of this person. Let our own burning hearts be able to light others as well.